Trying to change your significant other will usually result in a breakup. If you have suffered that fate and are hoping to get back with your ex it is important that you understand the effects of trying to change a loved one and the best way to go about it.
Changing a partner has been seen in relationships time and over again. One lover wants to change the other for some “good”. The person wanting the partner to change does not realize that this urge only comes from their own lack of self-esteem and insecurity.
Few people fall into a relationship with their “perfect” match, whereas still few of them tend to learn accepting their partners’ weaknesses and strengths and live with them happily. The rest are hell bent on changing their significant others to the core. This type of people fails to recognize that these acts are harmful to their own relationships.
There could be different reasons why someone would want their lover to change, like:
1. They have low self-esteem and are insecure:
Such people feel the pleasure gained from the changes their partner undergoes “just for them”. This is like an aphrodisiac to them. It is like an ego booster and inflates their self esteem needs temporarily. However their thirst is never satisfied since the problem lies within them and not with their partner, and such a problem keeps coming back.
2. They want to break the addiction habit of their partner:
Though this sounds genuine and caring, the ultimate decision to change should only be that of the addict and not their lover’s. Any change should come from within, and asking your partner to change for you does not help for long. The problem crops up again.
If you are a nagging girlfriend or boyfriend and keep pestering your significant other to change their ways, know that you are close to losing them for good. No one likes to be told what to do, and your partner is no different. If you really want your partner to change some of their habits, you will have to be the change yourself first. Do not dictate them to take a certain course of life, be there for them, no doubt, but do not lay it out for them what is to be done. You can even do this actually, but only when they ask for your help. Meanwhile, be an example they can follow, and apply in their own life.
Finally, remember change takes time. Someone’s pace may be likened to that of a snail, but that does not mean they are not trying. Be patient and loving. Be there for their support. They need motivation to implement a change and the stronger the motivation, the better. When considering getting your ex back keep in mind that gentle strokes of encouragement also do wonders especially if it is done honestly and genuinely. Nagging however plays the opposite role. Good luck with your relationship and remain optimistic in getting back your ex without having to change them.
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